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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22465675">Richie and Eddie  one-shots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Postsynthcomrade5/pseuds/Postsynthcomrade5'>Postsynthcomrade5</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bottom (UK)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Consensual Violence, Drawing, Drunkenness, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hair Brushing, Hair Washing, Haircuts, M/M, Massages, Minor Violence, One Shot, Rain, Umbrellas, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, drunk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:41:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22465675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Postsynthcomrade5/pseuds/Postsynthcomrade5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of short x readers/one-shots involving Richie and Eddie from the sitcom Bottom</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward "Eddie" Elizabeth Hitler/Richard "Richie" Richard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Umbrella</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's a rainy stormy night in Hammersmith and Eddie hasn't arrived home yet, so Richie decides to take Eddie home himself.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a pouring night on the streets of Hammersmith,</p><p> </p><p>The sky was getting darker and the rain would only continue to engulf the town,</p><p> </p><p>Richie was sitting in the living room of the flat, Eddie wasn’t there, Eddie had gone out drinking again, but it was getting very late, there was nothing good on the television and it was getting a bit lonely not having his pal around.</p><p> </p><p>“How much longer is this going to bloody take?” Richie yelled to himself as he looked at the clock and then back at himself as he sat with one leg over the other, on the sofa, folding his arms impatiently.</p><p> </p><p>He then walked over to the window looking out at the weather, it was gushing with heavy rain, he began to wonder if Eddie would even know how to get home, he’d be too pissed to follow the directions. “Blimey, that’s some severe weather isn’t it, I hope he’s alright”</p><p> </p><p>A lightbulb then sprung up in his mind, he had an idea, he was going to bring Eddie home.</p><p> </p><p>Richie dashed upstairs to get his raincoat on and find his umbrella, this was peculiar as he and Eddie would go almost everywhere together, regardless he quietly stepped down the steps and into the street.</p><p> </p><p>He flung the door of the Lamb and Flag open, as he quietly walked in, he didn’t want to cause a scene, he knew Eddie didn’t like to be disturbed during his game nights, on the table that Eddie was sitting at he had his tie around his head and he was playing some sort of card game, it was clear to Richie from the body language and speech Eddie was displaying that he might’ve had a bit too much.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie laughed at Spudgun, Dave and his other pals as he made some remark about winning the card game, he could catch a glance of Richie with his eye,</p><p> </p><p>He joked with the others, holding his beer glass up, “Oh, look it’s the wife”</p><p>Some of Eddie’s mates laughed along at the remark,</p><p> </p><p>Richie held his hands over the sides of Eddie’s head,  “What are you doing, your tie is on back to front, have you seen the weather out there, I was waiting for you for hours, I’ve arrived to take you home.</p><p> </p><p>Dickhead looked at the clock and said to the men  “He’s right you know, it’s closing time”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie ran up to Dickhead, gripping him by the shoulders, yelling melodramatically about to shake him “What do you mean your closed, a bit of drizzle ain’t hurt anybody” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Richie sighed as he tried to pry Eddie away from Dickhead’s shoulders “Now, that’s quite enough, sorry about this Dickhead” he said softly,</p><p> </p><p>Dickhead simply said “it’s alright”</p><p> </p><p>The rest of Eddie’s pals quickly dashed out into the cold, off to their respective houses.</p><p> </p><p>Dickhead opened the door for them as Richie staggered outside, dragging Eddie by the arm.</p><p> </p><p>Once they were on the road again, one arm was around Eddie and the other was holding up the umbrella.</p><p> </p><p>“Come On, Eddie, let’s get you home” Richie calmly said,</p><p> </p><p>They quietly walked along the streets of Hammersmith, until Eddie almost started making weird facial expressions at something near the street sign, he giggled “You’re looking ravishing today”, Richie slapped himself, “Eddie, that’s not a woman, that’s a lamp post” he managed to get Eddie away from the lamp-post, then they realised they couldn’t find their way home.</p><p> </p><p>thankfully Richie had some cash left so they got a taxi.</p><p> </p><p>The taxi driver said, “Where to gents?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mafeking Parade and step on it” Richie commanded, as Eddie sat opposite him slumped over, quite intoxicated </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t mind the wife” Eddie joked as he pointed at Richie mockingly </p><p> </p><p>Richie was starting to get a bit annoyed of being jokingly referred to as the “Wife” </p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes and exclaimed “I am not his wife, I am his husband”</p><p> </p><p>Richie then quietly blinked as he realized he had just blurted out that he was Eddie’s husband in front of the taxi driver</p><p> </p><p>The taxi driver just smiled and said “Congratulations, you must have a very caring husband, he must want to get you home safely, you sound a bit, intoxicated sir”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie looked like he was about to put up a fight, but he was restricted by his seatbelt “WHO ARE YOU CALLING, INTOXICATED!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Richie tried to prevent Eddie from doing anything stupid, holding his arms onto him, to prevent Eddie from possibly throwing hands at the person driving them home.</p><p> </p><p>he was restricted by his seatbelt and couldn’t fight back, by the time the taxi arrived at the flat, Richie had been holding his arms around Eddie’s shoulders for so long, he looked like they had been cuddling. </p><p> </p><p>Richie looked through the window and he could see the familiar exterior of the flat.</p><p> </p><p>He helped Eddie up the steps until they were finally home</p><p> </p><p>Eddie then crashed onto the sofa, having a nap</p><p> </p><p>When he finished his nap he wondered over to Richie, affectionately putting his arm around him</p><p>“Were you really worried about me?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie turned his head, “Yes I was”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie smiled at him “I didn’t know you cared that much, my...caring, loving...husband”</p><p> </p><p>It felt good to finally hear himself being referred to as the “husband”</p><p> </p><p>Richie pulled him into a cuddle, “of course, Darling”   they then kissed.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of pulling the mechanical lever to take Eddie to bed, Richie just carried him upstairs, where they had another nice kiss...until it was time to go to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Richie's back rubbing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Richie and Eddie are helping themselves to some takeaway when....Eddie feels some stiffness in his back so Richie decides to give him a back massage to relive the pain.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the afternoon, the sun had set and Richie and Eddie were at the dinner table, eating some takeaway for dinner.</p><p>Richie lightly dipped his chips into the gravy pot and started cutting some of his chicken with the knife and fork, Eddie, on the other hand, was gobbling down the meal like it was the best thing he had ever tasted, although that was probably just because it wasn't Richie's cooking.</p><p>Eddie continued his anecdote "So Spudgun said to me"  he then gobbled another spoonful of rice  "Yeah, so that's happened, we're out of it, we're no longer part of it"  Richie sipped some of his cola,  "Part of what?" he asked as he raised his eyebrow,</p><p> </p><p>Eddie exclaimed "THE EU!", Richie rolled his eyes, he didn't like it when Eddie spoke with his mouth full, "Oh yeah, that, but these days how can you escape it, with all the papers and television stations referencing it when I'm trying to watch bake-off or something"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie shouted, spitting some of the food crumbs in Richie's face, "BAKE OFF!, fat chance of you, being on that show, Paul Hollywood would rip you apart, you'd be crying on national television"</p><p> </p><p>Richie sat up unhappily, "I WOULD NOT BE CRYING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION YOUNG MAN, I would happily acknowledge Paul's criticism, I do want to improve my skills you know!"</p><p>Eddie quietly chewed on the rest of his meal, "You know, I find it weird when you call me young man, it feels like your my dad telling me off"</p><p> </p><p>Richie blushed bright red, "I-I'm not your dad, Eddie, I just don't like being mocked when we're trying to have our tea and it would be nice if you had the common decency to have better table manners!"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie loudly slurped his drink as he finished the rest of the chicken, "Better table manners, well alright, if your so insistent, you can have the rest of the rice and chips" he then picked up the silver tray of leftover rice and placed it in front of him before moving the leftover chips onto Richie's plate.</p><p> </p><p>Richie made a face and softly said "thank you" as he started to eat some of the leftovers</p><p> </p><p>They continued eating until Eddie felt a mild, pinching, stiff feeling in his back as he leaned back in his chair "Ahhh" he screamed,</p><p>Richie pointed at him with his fork "It's all that slouching on the sofa", Eddie continued to squeal in agony "Ah, Rich it hurts,</p><p>Richie put his fork down and put the utensils and dishes by the sink, walking over to where Eddie was sitting, "What hurts Eddie?", </p><p>Eddie continued to moan, "It's my back, Rich, it's a bit stiff today, ah"    Richie tried to look over at where Eddie's back was hurting,</p><p>he tried to tuck his hand under Eddie's shirt so he could feel the part that Eddie was complaining about, "Now, tell me where it hurts, so that I'm touching the right place,"  Eddie mocked him, "Tell me where it hurts? your not my doctor"   Richie rolled his eyes,  "Well it's not like we can afford one with you using most of our savings on booze, now, tell me where it hurts"   Eddie hesitantly fidgeted with his pockets as he undid his jacket "it's there" he pointed his finger at the middle of his spine",</p><p>Richie had an idea,  "I think I know how to ease the pain, "Get onto the sofa, I'm gonna give you a massage"  he said as he held Eddie's hand and took him away from the table and over to the sofa, Eddie sat down confused, "Your WHAT?",   Richie said, "I'll just need to get my oils" as he dashed upstairs to the bathroom, where he looked around for various coconut oils and lotions.</p><p> </p><p>he arrived back quickly holding a few bottles of lotions and skincare oils, </p><p>Eddie was unsure of what was about to take place when he saw the lotions, he thought it was going to be something dirty,</p><p> </p><p>Richie placed the bottles and containers on the coffee table as he sat next to Eddie on the sofa, rolling his sleeves up</p><p>"Pull your shirt up please Eddie"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie pulled his shirt up, regardless of what he was thinking, he just wanted the pain gone, even if it meant Richie helping him</p><p> </p><p>Richie then proceeded to pour dollops of the oils onto his palms, rubbing them together before lightly moving his hands around Eddie's back and spine</p><p>he continued this with the other lotions, Eddie had never had a massage before, neither had Richie but he had heard on tv that massages were supposed to be very relaxing.</p><p> </p><p>Richie rubbed Eddie's back smoothly as he asked: "How does this feel Eddie?"    Eddie said,  "This feels strangely nice actually,"</p><p>he then moved his hands away from Eddie's back  "the sofa isn't giving enough angles to work from, I think it would be better if we did this in the bedroom</p><p>Eddie blushed, "The bedroom?"    Richie softly said, "with your face on my bed, I'd have more access to your back so I can give more attention to the area that's giving you bother"</p><p> </p><p>After making their way upstairs, Eddie took his shirt off as he rested his face onto the bed pillow as Richie continued to massage his back as thoroughly as his limited masseuse skills would allow,</p><p>just as Richie finished up he lightly moved his finger on Eddie's neck, Eddie let out a small giggle  "Ahahaha, Rich stop that,  Richie grinned as he continued to tickle Eddie's neck and chin as he changed position, Eddie continued to laugh "Stop it!", Eddie turned around as Richie continued tickling him.</p><p>Eddie said "You're tickling me, your hands are so cold, they're like ice,"   the two men continued to tickle each other until they were both rolling around Richie's bed laughing their asses off.</p><p>Eddie stopped laughing, "No, seriously thanks for doing that Rich, I've never really had anything like that before, my back is now cured thanks to you"</p><p>Richie smiled, "you need to start using pillows more, but your welcome Eddie, your first person I've done that too actually, I saw on the tv that it relaxes you and I think I've done my job"</p><p>he folded his hands proudly as Eddie then held onto one of Richie's hands closely,</p><p>Richie blushed as he then hugged Eddie.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cartoony Antics</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Richie and Eddie have a doodling match</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Richie and Eddie were bickering at each other's throats as usual, with these two they could turn any everyday object into a weapon.</p><p>Umbrella handles, candles, pencils, frying pans and television sets when Richie and Eddie would argue there would be some sort of violence involved.</p><p> </p><p>they faced each other in the middle of the lounge, yelling at the top of their voices "Why don't ya just sod off you dumb fat git!"</p><p> </p><p>to Eddie, Richie was an oversized walrus in a white shirt and tie, a pretentious, petty wanker who would never shut up.</p><p>to Richie, Eddie was like a human bulldog, when not full of booze, he'd just lounge around the flat like a dog in its a kennel, but when he would be full of booze, he'd growl, yell, fight or make some strange scheme to get money instead of going out and getting a job.</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn't drink as much as Eddie did, occasionally he'd have the odd Sherry or a beer when going out but generally Eddie was the resident dipsomaniac of the household,</p><p>"you whine and whine and don't do anything to fix it"  Eddie whined</p><p> </p><p>Richie scoffed, "At least I'm not smashed half the time, who is it that cooks, cleans and pays half of the rent!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eddie proceeded to pelt Richie with a frying pan, until he fell over, as Richie was trying to stand back up again Eddie scoffed and said "Why it's the revolting bastard walrus covered in vaseline right in front of me"</p><p> </p><p>Richie felt like he wanted to punch Eddie at this moment "Why you!"</p><p>Richie paused, when they'd have spats Eddie would always think of a new colourful insult to describe him and yet he hadn't done the same to him much outside of the one time he called him a slug, he held his hand on his chin and smirked at Eddie mockingly.</p><p>"You're an egg, Eddie, a soggy rotten egg just waiting to be cracked to pieces, except instead of yolk you're full of brandy"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie felt like the yolk bit of the insult sounded a bit pervy, he had never been called an egg before, he turned his head confused, "AN EGG?"    Richie smirked back,  "Yes, an Egg", Eddie thought to himself, "Chicken's make those don't they?"</p><p> </p><p>Richie mocked him by pretending to clap, "Oh well done you've just learned that eggs come from hen vagina's"</p><p> </p><p>Richie had an idea, he looked through the drawers and got out some pens and paper, </p><p> </p><p>Eddie was confused as to what on earth his weird flatmate had planned..... "What..are you doing?"</p><p> </p><p>Richie quickly undid the lid of one of the pens and started doodling on the paper, "I'm gonna prove to you, that you look like an egg"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was confused, "Oh what are you going to do? draw me like one of your french birds?"  Richie groaned "please do not interupt the artiste at this time" he scoffed as he continued to doodle </p><p> </p><p>Richie eventually finished the drawing, it was a small cartoon of Eddie, except his face was shaped like an egg, it was just his eyes, hat, mouth, outfit and a frying pan drawn next to him,</p><p> </p><p>Eddie took a close look at the drawing, he raised his eyebrow,  "Is that supposed to be me?"</p><p> </p><p>Richie smirked as he held his hand on the table, "Yes"   Eddie then took an empty piece of paper and clicked one of the pens "Alright, I'll draw you then",  Richie looked unhappy "Don't you dare!", it was too late, Eddie had already started drawing.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie's drawing was slightly different and more detailed, Richie's grin and pose were exaggerated in the drawing and he looked like Prince Charming from Shrek 2....just without the charm.</p><p> </p><p>Richie snatched the doodle from Eddie's hands  "I look nothing like that!" he yelled as he and Eddie then set out on a doodling match of who could draw the crudest doodle of the other person, it carried on until it was almost the evening time.</p><p>When Richie and Eddie had finished their argument, the floors were full of crumpled pieces of paper, Eddie was on the floor, he looked tired, Richie was slumped over next to him, he sat up, noticing the mess they had caused.</p><p>Richie rubbed his head and walked around the room, while he proceeded to pick up the crumpled pieces of paper, shoving them in the bin.</p><p>"Look at the mess we made!" he quietly said to himself, as he looked around the flat while Eddie remained on the ground,</p><p>as he saw two leftover empty pages left on the table, he had another idea, he did another drawing but this one was different, it was a cartoon of him and Eddie, but there were no insults or grotesque exaggerations, it was just a cute drawing of him and Eddie smiling, Eddie awoke from the floor but he didn't say anything, he just observed Richie while he doodled away.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie picked up the second piece of paper and made his own doodle, he had a style very reminiscent to cartoons like Duckula, it was also of him and Richie, it looked like they were laughing in the picture.</p><p> </p><p>once they had finished their doodles, Richie gazed at Eddie's Saturday morning cartoon and Eddie gazed at the soppy cutesy one Richie had done, they smiled "We look like Wallace and Gromit" Eddie joked,  Richie chuckled, "I guess you are like Wallace, with all the interesting inventions you come up with" Eddie smirked, "Well your nothing like Gromit, you talk all the time"</p><p> </p><p>he paused,  "but...like him your always there when I need you"</p><p> </p><p>Richie blinked, it was rare for Eddie to compliment him, especially after one of their fights </p><p> </p><p>Eddie smiled, "I mean who else would be there to make my meals and make sure that we still have a roof to live on"</p><p> </p><p>Richie blushed slightly, "I'm not the best cook",  Eddie said, "I know, but you've never given me food poisoning"</p><p> </p><p>The two men then chuckled as they cleaned up their mess, they discarded the crumpled pieces of paper, but kept the last two drawings, they pinned those to the fridge door, before looking up at the moon that had now appeared on the sky, gently resting their hands on each other's shoulders </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Valentines Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Valentines Day, the loneliest day of all for Richie, everybody else would be out for some event with their loved one, except for him.</p><p>he tossed and turned in his bed, until he noticed something peculiar, in front of him there was a vague, blurry image of a balding man wearing what looked to be a bath towel made to look like a greek robe with a flower crown, fabric wings and a bow and arrow in hand, it looked like one of those cupid angels you'd see on the ceiling art of fancy restaurants.</p><p>On closer inspection, he remembered that bald cupid angels don't wear glasses.</p><p>he awoke and glanced at it, letting out a scream  "Aahhh!"  "W-who are you and what do you want from me? "</p><p>Richie flung his bed covers off frantically, "is it my soul that you want? well you can have it I don't want it anymore"</p><p>he then looked around his bedside drawers for his purse, he then took out some coins from his purse, "is it money you want? well this is all I've got", then he blushed and looked down at himself "is it my virginity?....well you can have that too"</p><p>the Cupid standing by his bed shot an arrow at the wall, clearing its throat  "Oh for God's sake Richie, It's me"</p><p>Richie was unhappily surprised," Eddie? what are you doing by my bedside dressed as a cupid angel, is this some sort of trick?</p><p>he raised his eyebrows,  "what do you want?"</p><p>Eddie put on an innocent grin,</p><p>"I just didn't want you to be lonely on this time of year, I thought I'd make it more theatrical?"</p><p>Richie exclaimed, "THEATRICAL?  well you didn't convince me, I'd know perfectly well from your raspy voice and glasses, that it was you"  he then scoffed, "you don't care if I'm lonely, you just don't like me moping"</p><p>Eddie undid his bow and arrow kit as he and Richie made their way downstairs to the lounge </p><p>"if you knew it was me, then why did you ask if I wanted your virginity or not?"</p><p>Richie was flustered and annoyed that Eddie would even suggest such a thing</p><p>"YOU BASTARD, I NEVER ASKED YOU THAT AND EVEN I DID, I MUST'VE BEEN DRUNK, I'D NEVER DO IT WITH YOU"</p><p>Eddie remained chill and tried to remind him,</p><p>"Rich, your a lightweight compared to me and yes you did ask me, even if you didn't know it was me at the time"</p><p>Richie still didn't stop yelling,</p><p>"BUT IT'S VALENTINES DAY!"</p><p>Eddie smirked, </p><p>"YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE HOLIDAY, the time of year when everyone with a guy or bird does something special for them, their special someone that they spend the most time with, it's your least favourite holiday because your always alone during this time of year,"</p><p> </p><p>Richie shivered as he blushed slightly scratching his chin, realising the person he spent the most time with was......Eddie</p><p>he softly asked, "S-SO THAT MEANS YOUR MY VALENTINE?"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie thought about it for a while, "I guess so?"</p><p> </p><p>Richie then asked him, "What do you want to do for Valentines then?"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie thought "I don't know what would be a typical couples activity we could both enjoy?"</p><p> </p><p>Richie tried to think of the typical valentines activities he would see referenced on the telly</p><p>"w-we could go out drinking and see a movie, try a fancy dinner for two"</p><p> </p><p>Eddie shrugged, "alright"</p><p> </p><p>Richie and Eddie made their way past the lamb and flag, they felt quiet, they did usually go out a lot together but not really as a couple, it had been a year since Richie came out, so it was still taking some time for them to adjust.</p><p>they glanced at the other couples nearby, a lot of hand-holding was going on, Richie decided to lightly hold Eddie's hand as they kept walking,</p><p>they arrived at the cinema, "What film do you want to see?"   Richie tried to decide "Maybe that Harley Quinn one?"</p><p>Eddie nodded in agreement, "ok, Ewan McGregor's in that, he was good in Trainspotting"</p><p>Richie gave him a look "Eddie, Trainspotting came out 26 years ago, and the sequel came out 3 years ago"</p><p>regardless of Eddie's interest in old films, they went to see the movie anyway, they made their way to their assigned seats and sat down,</p><p>....Then the adverts started, they gazed at the big cinematic screen, as advert after advert referencing anything from music and supermarkets to condoms, started to play.</p><p>then there was the odd advert that had alcohol in the background, Eddie grumbled, "Hey why can't we have some of that? selfish bastards" Eddie's raspy voice was quite loud, usually, Richie would be loud too but this was an exception.</p><p>"Eddie for goodness sake, sit down, kids are watching this film" </p><p>he leaned on the arm of his seat, rolling his eyes, "Besides, there's no booze allowed at the movies"</p><p>"Then why do they get to have booze and we don't?"  Eddie was then shut up by the loud advert for the cinema they were at, followed by a lot of people demanding him to shush,</p><p>Richie cringed and sighed as he gobbled some of the popcorn and sweets, offering a handful to Eddie while they watched the rest of the film.</p><p>The film was enjoyable, next was the fancy restaurant before they did that they dashed back home to get some formal clothes, Richie had a suit and Eddie also had a suit, the same one he had when he was pretending to be Richie's butler back when he dated that Moldavian dutchess that one time.</p><p>Before they went out, Richie was dragging Eddie by the ear "Now, I don't want us to cause a scene as you did at the movies, OK!"  Eddie rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, Dear" as they made their way to the restaurant.</p><p> </p><p>At the restaurant, they had both settled down, the pasta, Caesar Salad and steak were amazing, Eddie was enjoying his beer and Richie enjoying his sherry as he finished the rest of his pasta, but as nice as the atmosphere was in the restaurant with the heart decorations surrounding the walls and the food looking delectable...Richie felt a bit, unsure about something.</p><p>he tried to nudge Eddie slightly to get his attention "D-darling can I see you in the bathroom for a second?"</p><p>Eddie gobbled some of his steaks, "Petal what is it now?" he snarkily replied rolling his eyes,  Richie whispered, "it's something private",  Eddie sighed as he was lightly dragged into the bathroom.</p><p>Eddie folded his hands as he waited to hear what on earth Richie was worried about,  "what is it Rich?"</p><p>Richie tried to explain, "I-I don't know how I feel being here, surrounded by all these lovely couples, we're the only men here"</p><p>Eddie said, "No we're not, there are lots of men here with their birds,"  Richie said sounding unsettled "That's exactly it Eddie, we're the only men that are here together, I don't know if I'm doing this Valentine's day thing right, everybody else has a gift for their special someone and I haven't, I've just nagged at you for most of the day, what's the point in this bloody holiday anyway, it's just made up by selfish companies who want to sell cards!"</p><p>Richie sniffled, as he started crying, taking a hankie out of his suit pocket to blow his nose,</p><p>Eddie didn't know how to react, he just sighed as Richie cried over his shoulder, Eddie lightly rubbed his back as he eventually stopped crying,  "Rich, it's alright",   Richie frowned, "No it isn't, I'm a horrible boyfriend"  Eddie looked at him and then gave a smile "You're not a horrible boyfriend, we saw an amazing movie and it was nice of you to take me out for a fancy lunch, I've never had so many steaks in my life"</p><p>Richie smiled back, "your welcome?, I'm happy you enjoyed the meal, I-I guess I'm still adjusting to being out I guess,"</p><p>Eddie said, "Yeah it's probably that, look the only difference between me and you and all those couples, is that we're men and we're the hammersmith hardmen, with me around, you're not alone anymore, we know each other well and I'm used to your company"</p><p>Eddie then hiccuped smiling, "Besides, there's one thing left on our list"</p><p>Richie grinned excitedly "All-right let's get boozy"</p><p> </p><p>they quickly finished the rest of their meal and paid their bill before heading downtown to get some drinks</p><p> </p><p>Richie had several glasses of Sherry and Eddie had a brandy, they felt right at home</p><p>they were soon very intoxicated, "Y-you know, I never knew that it would be you that I'd be spending the rest of my life with, but I'm happy it's you," Richie said slurring his words slightly as he held onto Eddie's shoulder </p><p>Eddie laughed, "and I didn't know that I'd even be celebrating this holiday, but I've had a good time,"</p><p>Richie and Eddie were soon giggling as they enjoyed their pub crawl, Richie didn't want Eddie to get too drunk though like last time so they went off to do a bit of shopping.</p><p>Richie bought himself a pair of new suspenders and Eddie bought new outfits, a hoodie and a decorative t-shirt, something more modern, they got some new cologne and then they stopped by a photo booth,  they sat inside and took photos together</p><p>Some photos had them with strange or weird facial expressions, but there was also the odd few photos where they were just smiling at the camera and each other.</p><p>When they were back home, bickering about the TV channels, as usual, they felt strangely happy about how the day went, realizing that they liked each other's company.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this Valentines Day wasn't so bad after all</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Hair</h2></a>
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    <p>Richie was at times, not the most hygienic bloke, sometimes all the stress from life just drained his energy and he felt like his sight became hazy, his face was greasier than sunflower oil and while sometimes he did try to make sure his teeth were cleaned and his nails were trimmed, his hair was another story, it would be all over his face some days, other days he'd just move it to the side, after all, it wasn't like he had anyone to get all dolled up for.</p><p>Watching adverts about hygiene and men just made him uncomfy, he was autistic so he didn't like having to use a razor so he'd use creams instead, besides that the little anxious voice in his head would always go "oh look at that man, look how his hair is so slick, why can't yours be like that, you hippie!" </p><p>he would then switch the channels over, lucky Eddie he didn't have to deal with hair trouble much, until one day he was sitting on the sofa, unhappy, barely moving an inch, it was a bit of a low day, Eddie had just returned from a meeting with Spudgun and Dave.</p><p>as he walked in, Richie moved but only slightly gesturing to the microwaveable meals left for him on the kitchen counter.</p><p>Eddie quietly walked over, unsure as to why his flatmate was quieter than usual, "Rich, you feeling alright?"</p><p>Richie moved his head away from the pillow, "What do you think?" he said sounding numb and annoyed</p><p>as Richie sat up, Eddie could see Richie's hair was all over his greasy face</p><p>"Mate, you need a haircut!", he said, Richie rolled as his eyes as if that wasn't something he already knew, "WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN AFFORD ONE AT THE MOMENT!" he yelled </p><p>Eddie realized this was not a good day for Richie so he spoke in a softer tone, "Alright let's get you sorted" he then lightly took hold of Richie's arm and took him upstairs into the bathroom.</p><p>he held the man's head over the bathtub and soaked Richie's greasy locks with water, as Eddie fumbled about with the various conditioners and shampoo are on display before he got to work, Richie didn't like the idea of Eddie doing something for him that he'd usually do himself, but he didn't have the energy to insult. </p><p>On went, the shampoo and conditioner as Richie's hair was given a thorough rinse, he then wrapped his hair with a towel, his hair wasn't completely dry though as when he made his way back to his room Eddie had a hairdryer in his hand.</p><p>Richie shivered slightly as he sat on his bed while Eddie began to dry his hair with a blowdryer if it was a cool setting he would've been calm and collected but as soon as Eddie flicked the switch there was a loud blow of hot air as the setting was quite high, this made Richie gasp and yelp.</p><p>Eddie tried to reassure him, "it's just to clear out the excess moisture" as he continued to move the blowdryer around his flatmate's hair until all the water had been cleared, Richie understood this and allowed Eddie to continue.</p><p>As his hair was brushed and combed out, a lot of locks had to be cut off.</p><p>To Richie's surprise, Eddie decided to tie it back into a "man bun"</p><p>Richie blinked at the mirror, confused "I, um, Eddie what is this?"</p><p>Eddie folded his hands, "it's a bun, your hair appears to always be all over your face, so I thought I'd tie it back a bit, hopefully, it will get less greasy once you tend to it more often"</p><p>Richie glanced at what the "man bun" looked like on both ends, he kinda liked it, it reminded him of Vikings, he realized that he's lucky to have a pal like Eddie to help him with bad days like this, not everyday involved bickering, sometimes it felt nice to just curl up on the sofa with him to talk about who knows what.</p><p>he turned to Eddie and said,  "Thank you"</p><p>Eddie was surprised, of all the people to say Thank you to him, he never expected it to be Richie of all people</p><p>"..Thank you? for what"</p><p>Richie decided to elaborate,</p><p>"Thanks for always be there you know, I know I can be a bit of a git sometimes, I've got a lot of things to unpack and I don't always manage it constructively, I'm lucky to have you, you're a good mate"</p><p>he then lightly patted Eddie's shoulder in an affectionate way</p><p>Eddie took a while to process what Richie had said, he then patted Richie back, "erm...sure mate, that's what friends are for"</p><p>They then spent the rest of the day on the sofa, eating some instant ramen in front of the tv, things felt calmer this time, after that day, Richie started rocking this "man-bun" more often and he tried to pay more attention to his hygiene while also working on his mental health..</p>
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